And Wonder Why

I visited Finder's grave today. Fenella's grave. I don't know. I guess I just felt like it.

I haven't posted here lately. I haven't felt like it. I don't really know if any information I put out there actually helps anybody.

And lately, I've been feeling my age. I'm older than I thought. I'm older than I ever thought I would be.

I thought I would be dead by now.

I read a book a while ago. It was a fantasy novel by Glen Cook - I like his books. No epic fantasies, just regular people trying to survive. The book was called Soldiers Live and there was a quote that I liked. That I think means something:

Soldiers live. He dies and not you, and you feel guilty, because you're glad he died, and not you. Soldiers live, and wonder why.

Finder died and I wanted to die in her stead. I would never be glad that she was dead, but now I am glad that I am not. I glad I am alive and I wish to remain so.

I am alive.

And I wonder why.